Harpooning Hearts: If Captain Ahab Wrote a Dating Profile

There was a lot of hilarity in the office today as we pondered what Captain Ahab would write in a dating profile if he was single and harpooning hearts instead of whales…

Name: Captain Ahab

Age: Older than my teeth, younger than the sea

Occupation: Obsessive Whale Hunter, Part-Time Philosopher, Full-Time Captain

About Me: Call me Ahab. I’m a seasoned sea captain with a passion for whale hunting, a taste for adventure, and a whalebone leg with more stories than a sailor’s diary. I spend my days navigating the tumultuous seas, staring into the horizon, and pondering the deeper meanings of life. My heart is as deep as the ocean and as mysterious as the creatures that dwell within it.  My picture is recent, taken on the deck of my ship, The Pequod.

Hobbies: My hobbies include sailing across the seven seas, engaging in philosophical debates with my crew, and maintaining a lifelong grudge against a certain white whale. I have a keen interest in marine biology (specifically Cetology) and star-gazing to navigate the seas.

What I’m Doing With My Life: Currently, I’m on an epic quest for revenge against Moby Dick, the great white whale that took my leg. It’s a full-time commitment, filled with danger, excitement, and the occasional existential crisis.

I’m Good At: Navigating by the stars, monologuing about the futility of existence, and maintaining a laser-focused obsession. Also, I have an uncanny ability to rally a crew around a perilous cause.

Favourite Things: The salty sea breeze, the creaking of my ship under my feet, and the thrill of the hunt.

Six Things I Could Never Do Without: My ship, my crew, the open sea, my trusty harpoon, the pursuit of Moby Dick, my spyglass and my weathered captain’s hat.

I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking About: The nature of good and evil, the sea and its mysteries, and how to finally catch that darn whale.

On A Typical Friday Night, I Am: Plotting courses, gazing into the abyss of the ocean, and keeping an eye out for that elusive white whale.

You Should Message Me If: You’re interested in long voyages at sea, don’t mind a partner with a slight obsession, and are not a white whale. Bonus points if you can tell a good sea tale.

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